I realized my posts are all sad and emotionally heavy, so I decided to make a positive one today. The boy from the previous post is gone and over with. I have to admit I still sometimes think about him but I think that's only because I can't just cut him off immediately. I'm not that type of a person and I don't think I ever will be. And that's okay.
Now, onto the positive message to myself. Today I have realized just how grateful I am for the people who have stuck by me. I haven't managed to keep many friends over the years, but I love the handful that have stuck around. They know me, they still love me, and I will murder anyone that tries to hurt them on purpose. :) I guess this is a promise that I will really try to show them my appreciation more. Even though I haven't really talked about the heart break that fugly reject caused to anyone, I didn't need to. My friends have made me laugh and realize I was completely fine without him!
Today is also the day where my mom unselfishly invested into my future. I know my mom was always extremely kind and generous towards me but today when I told her how I really needed prep courses for my PCAT as I learn alot better when someone teaches the material to me, she agreed to pay without hesitation. I am truly grateful for my mom.
Onto the second promise: This is a promise that I will give my all into this PCAT exam. At the beginning when I made the decision to go for Pharmacy school, I saw it as a backdoor option to medical school. I didn't have enough extracurriculars or research experience but I worked in a pharmacy for many years and so I thought that would be the obvious back up.
When I was working in my pharmacy this summer, I really learned to appreciate the beauty of the job (despite its constant rush and rude customers). I really do love servicing people and seeing the smiles on their face, knowing that I helped put it there.
I know that Waterloo Pharmacy school does not require the PCAT exam, but I want to get to my PharmD degree as fast as possible, and U of T is the way to do it. I just want to make sure I make it into both of them so I can make that decision of which school to choose!
"Fear of Mediocrity". That is the quote I put on my skype before I gave it an abeyance in my life. The people I love know how to reach me, thus there is no need for skype in my life at this moment. All I do when I log on is hope that somehow that boy has finally messaged me with an excuse for acting that way. You know what? His reason doesn't concern me anymore. What concerns me is my life: my future career and my amities. <3
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
A boy
It has been a long time, but I've just been inspired to write tonight. By "inspired", I mean "get all worked up out of anger".
I want to preface this by saying that for the people I get attached to and consider my close friend; I care a little too much about the friendship sometimes (regardless of whether they're rl friends or online friends), and I tend to get very emotional, and very sensitive.
I met this boy online, and he became a very close friend of mine. He worked his way to my heart, and proved to me he was in it for the long term.We talked everyday, and enjoyed each others' company. I opened up to him, and trusted him completely. I had started to develop feelings for him too.
Then one day, all of a sudden, he stopped talking to me; wouldn't respond to my messages. He ignored me. We were fine and friendly the night before. I didn't understand: was I being a bad friend? Did I do something wrong? I felt worthless. I was worthless in his eyes. My heart hurt. He had trampled all over it with no remorse. One night I broke down; I cried my eyes out.
The next morning, I felt better. I decided he was not worth my tears anymore and I decided to move on with life. I connected with my true friends, and they gave me the strength to continue on.
He eventually came back, and tried to make amends. His excuse was he got caught up with his hobby and forgot about the world. In my mind, it basically meant our friendship meant nothing.
Thanks to him, I've gotten stronger emotionally. He has not jaded me. I will never let him have the smug satisfaction of doing so. I will still love with all my heart the next time I become close friends with someone, but I will probably take more precautions.
I want to preface this by saying that for the people I get attached to and consider my close friend; I care a little too much about the friendship sometimes (regardless of whether they're rl friends or online friends), and I tend to get very emotional, and very sensitive.
I met this boy online, and he became a very close friend of mine. He worked his way to my heart, and proved to me he was in it for the long term.We talked everyday, and enjoyed each others' company. I opened up to him, and trusted him completely. I had started to develop feelings for him too.
Then one day, all of a sudden, he stopped talking to me; wouldn't respond to my messages. He ignored me. We were fine and friendly the night before. I didn't understand: was I being a bad friend? Did I do something wrong? I felt worthless. I was worthless in his eyes. My heart hurt. He had trampled all over it with no remorse. One night I broke down; I cried my eyes out.
The next morning, I felt better. I decided he was not worth my tears anymore and I decided to move on with life. I connected with my true friends, and they gave me the strength to continue on.
He eventually came back, and tried to make amends. His excuse was he got caught up with his hobby and forgot about the world. In my mind, it basically meant our friendship meant nothing.
Thanks to him, I've gotten stronger emotionally. He has not jaded me. I will never let him have the smug satisfaction of doing so. I will still love with all my heart the next time I become close friends with someone, but I will probably take more precautions.
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